i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
