can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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