If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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