i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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