how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
