I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
