If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
