so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
