Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
