Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
porn star boner night. come get it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
