Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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