Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
