The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
