My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
