forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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