Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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