There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
