there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
