i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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