i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
