is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
