I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
