I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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