my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
