Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
