We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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