oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
