hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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