You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
