conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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