my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
