i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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