I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
