I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i love accidental penises.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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