when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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