you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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