I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
