i don't like sucking hair
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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