lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
