turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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