I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
