i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
