You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Shame - the story of my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
