I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Let's get the cat blown out
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
