I puked a lego.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
