My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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