If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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