sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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