News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
