i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
