hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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