I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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