hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did I show you my penis last night?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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